Out of Towner

Away.

It's been a long summer. The trees are browning, the ferns are fading from the thirst, and everything, everything, is covered in dust. My long ago tomato starts and I have faithfully stood in our pots, and even produced some fruit. But mostly, I have been away. Of the last twelve weeks, I have spent most of ten of them adventuring, visiting friends, working away, and on the road. This week, I arrived half an hour before turning around and heading to work, and will leave again today as soon as I get off. My cat is pissed at me. My luggage is never unpacked. I have not see 'that' YouTube video. I have not seen anything you, or anyone else has posted on Facebook. People greet me like a long-lost friend. There is something to be said for stepping away, trusting that the things you need the most will be there when you return, and the things that fade were going to anyway. Being gone does a lot of good for sorting your priorities, forcing you to make choices, and teaching you to let things slide. 

 Where are you going?

Just Say No

Boundaries.

I am notoriously bad at setting boundaries. Or keeping them, for that matter. This is especially true if it comes to time, money, or emotionally draining people. I could cite any number of examples, but suffice it to say in the last three months, I have twice given money to people who have not even been bothered to be nice to me in recent times, or even not so recent times. Last week I gave three months notice to a job for which I work only one hour a week, but managed to let them coax three unpaid hours of time out of me to train someone who they are not sure they will actually hire. Also, I have a client that is rude, monopolizes my time, and generally makes me feel badly that I continue to instruct because, well, I'm not sure. Mostly, I feel bullied, like a school kid that just wants people to like her. Contrary to what you might think, I did not get a sense of satisfaction, of holding the moral high ground, or of compassionate sainthood from these deeds. In fact, they made me feel worse for knowing that I had been taken advantage of, that I am unable to stand up for myself, and that I value the wrong peoples opinions of me. And you know what? People do like me, not all of them, but plenty enough for a happy life. So, what does one do? Stop being charitable? Stop giving to people in need? Stop helping out? No. Of course not. But I m determined to change to whom I gift my time and energy. I can give money and time to strangers, charitable organizations, or even just people who bother to say thank you and feel much better about the world and myself in it. As for the boundaries, one thing at a time.

www.rubygonewild.com

Me Too Iguana

Unique.

One of my favorite books as a child was Me Too Iguana. Written by Jaquelyn Reinach, it was part of the Sweet Pickles series which featured a friendly city populated entirely by animals. My memory is that there where 26 books in all, one for each letter of the alphabet, and that they could be purchased via mail. The books arrived in a school bus shaped box with a lunch pail handle so you could take them with you wherever you wished. They were great. 

Each book focused on a particular moral or ethical quandary or life lesson with a different animal as the primary character. My favorite was Iguana. In Iguana's book, Me Too Iguana, Iguana has low self esteem. She thinks that she would be prettier with Lion's long mane or Zebra's stripes and goes to great lengths, manufacturing a mane out of a mop head and painting herself with stripes, to be like the other animals. It seems wherever Iguana goes, she wants what others have, if for no other reason than they have is and she does not.

Finally, because it is Sweet Pickles land, her friends become worried about her. So the animals decide to throw a big costume party and invite Iguana so she knows how much they like her. Iguana, of course, makes a costume mashing up the best attributes of her friends. Her friends, they ALL DRESS UP LIKE IGUANA so that she knows that they think she is beautiful and worth emulating too. In the end, she decides that her green skin and spinal bumps are pretty cool after all.

I think we all have a lot to learn from Iguana. It is easy, especially in this digital age to see what others have and think, "Me too! Me too!" But your life and body and path are yours and yours alone and no amount of copy catting or imitation will turn you into someone else. Each one of us possesses valuable and desirous traits, we should lean into these things, not grasp at the strengths of others. 

Be authentic,

Photograph:

http://www.rachelswartley.com/2011/05/05/me-too-iguana/