Just Say No

Boundaries.

I am notoriously bad at setting boundaries. Or keeping them, for that matter. This is especially true if it comes to time, money, or emotionally draining people. I could cite any number of examples, but suffice it to say in the last three months, I have twice given money to people who have not even been bothered to be nice to me in recent times, or even not so recent times. Last week I gave three months notice to a job for which I work only one hour a week, but managed to let them coax three unpaid hours of time out of me to train someone who they are not sure they will actually hire. Also, I have a client that is rude, monopolizes my time, and generally makes me feel badly that I continue to instruct because, well, I'm not sure. Mostly, I feel bullied, like a school kid that just wants people to like her. Contrary to what you might think, I did not get a sense of satisfaction, of holding the moral high ground, or of compassionate sainthood from these deeds. In fact, they made me feel worse for knowing that I had been taken advantage of, that I am unable to stand up for myself, and that I value the wrong peoples opinions of me. And you know what? People do like me, not all of them, but plenty enough for a happy life. So, what does one do? Stop being charitable? Stop giving to people in need? Stop helping out? No. Of course not. But I m determined to change to whom I gift my time and energy. I can give money and time to strangers, charitable organizations, or even just people who bother to say thank you and feel much better about the world and myself in it. As for the boundaries, one thing at a time.

www.rubygonewild.com

More Than A Muse

Mia.

After nearly twenty years of relative peace, Mia Farrow is back in the storm. Recent accolades given to Woody Allen have spurred the reemergence of decades-old family ghosts. The briefest version is that after more than ten years together Woody Allen and Mia Farrow split in spectacular fashion, with public accusations of infidelity, drug and alcohol abuse, tantrums, tirades, and craziness. Oh yeah, and one seven year old girl with claim to molestation by Allen that many people did then, and still do, find valid. It is this claim that has resurfaced after all these years. Regardless of the outcome, it is a a personal tragedy that will be played out in the public eye and likely never really resolved.

There are many things that could be and will be said about Mia and Woody and their children and relationship. Which I think is such a shame. I think that like any victim Dylan Farrow deserves justice and privacy. I think that besides the personal tragedy is a grand tragedy of intention, and the obscuring of Mia Farrows legacy, not as an actress, but as a humanitarian and activist. Far from the waif-like muse come-scorned woman of Woody Allen that we have all bought into, Mia has spent the last two decades devoted to illuminating the poverty and poor living conditions of North-Central Africa. She has moved on from Hollywood and turned her attention and energy to more important things than Page Six. Perhaps we should allow her to do so. Her work would be so much easier if we all paid attention to her, rather than her story.

You can follow her on Twitter @MiaFarrow

Photograph/References:
http://revolvingstyles.blogspot.com/2010/08/style-icon-mia-farrow.html
http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/archive/1992/11/farrow199211