Fair Thee Well

Family.

Nothing is more exhausting and rewarding than the week-long extravaganza of music, light, love, art, and general mayhem that we call the Oregon Country Fair. Its a party, an arts and music festival, and a gathering of happy people looking for a few days to be and do entirely as they please. The fair is one of the few places I know of in which people wear their inner children on the outside, where strangers smile and hug, and generosity rules the day. It is a throwback for sure, to simpler times when food was cooked by scratch, goods were made by hand, and music was made by real people playing actual instruments. But it's a good throwback. While there has been much debate this year about the direction of the fair, its rules on amplification (very little), late night partying (do it, but keep in acoustic) and environmental impact (can you say site archaeologist?), the reality is that there is something important about preserving the old-school mentality. There are plenty of festivals for electronica and all night parties. It is, in fact, the direction in which things, hip, important-type things are going, its just not the Country Fair thing. It's nice to hear world music and see bands and other acts be given the chance to perform to a wide and diverse audience they normally wouldn't get exposure to. Someday, when the novelty of our electronics wears off, we might be glad we preserved a place to celebrate the crafts, arts, and traditions of a pre 21st century time. Love is free and analog, spread it around.

Of Friends and Lovers

Kith.

Sometimes words fall out of common, or even uncommon usage. Often this linguistic loss is barely noted by the general public, with our propensity for the formation and favor of new words. And then there are times that I find myself searching, looking for an adequate expression of some thing that shouldn't take five words to describe but always seems to. It makes me wish for a reverse dictionary, in which you could look up your meaning and find the word. Sometimes, I stumble across it anyway, and discover a new or forgotten term that satisfies the searching. Today this word is kith, as in, "of kith and kin." Kith is the collection of our unrelated family, our chosen kin. It is a good word, and a good reminder of the important role that long-term friends and companions have in our lives, kith, the people who stand by us, who lift us up in times of need, make us laugh, share our dreams, our highs and lows, not because they were born to it, but because they choose it.

The Word A Day Website:
http://www.wordsmith.org/awad/

Picture:
www.rubygonewild.com

Paralyzing Fears

Doubt.

There are moments in course of our lives that feel like standing on the edge of a diving board. While the obvious is true, that the only real course of action is to move forward, fear, self loathing, and doubt can stick us in place. I see this in dancers, especially very young children, that have figured out the world's expectation of correctness and fear failing to the point of becoming unable to move.  They stand, motionless, rooted to the round beneath them, unable or willing to speak or interact in any way.  Adults, they quit.  They stop trying, they skip an activity, or they leave the class never to return.  From both groups I receive a lot of this plaintive cry, "This is hard for me."  I used to think that this was all about work ethic, that having to try, repeatedly, and the energy and commitment that required was deterrent enough.  Now I believe that is has more to do with fear than anything else.  Fear of failure, fear of looking stupid, fear of judgment, fear of not rising to the level of our own expectations or hopes, whatever the specific fear, the impacts on success can be devastating.

These days, I find myself at the edge of the diving board, toes curled over, looking into the water not even sure what it is exactly that I am afraid of, but peering into the water with apprehension. I wish for the adult in me to tell the small child that everything will be okay. I wish for the rational part of my brain to win the argument in a landslide. I stay at the edge of the board. And then this, a single line of text from my mother:

"Wherever you have dreamed of going I have camped there and left wood for you."

And I jump.

Like what you are reading?  Then support the Kickstarter for my book Girl Gone Wild- On Being a Woman in the Wilderness.  Thanks!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1731666363/girl-gone-wild-a-guide-to-being-a-woman-outside?ref=city

Photograph Courtesy of:
http://www.123rf.com/photo_3906409_underwater-view-of-swimmers-on-diving-boards.html

Hang On Tight

Flight.

There are so many things we cannot prepare for, anticipate, or control in our lives.  The truth is, we do not know the hand we will be dealt or the things that may conspire against us.  But what we can do is cherish one another, be present in the lives of those we love, and make as many good choices as we can along the way so that when something does happen, we can face it and hold strong.  Be good to yourselves.  Practice gratitude and peace making.  Take comfort, for these things too, shall pass.

Edgar Allen Poe's the Raven:

 http://www.heise.de/ix/raven/Literature/Lore/TheRaven.html

Love Me

Do.

It is easy to get caught up in the drudgery of daily life; perhaps even unavoidable.  Things, in fact, do need to get done.  But we need to remember that life happens in real time and we only get to do it once.  Take time, enjoy the people you love, practice gratitude.  

Here Comes the Sun:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R5aB6viNmg

Photograph courtesy of:

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/photobooth/2013/04/slide-show-i-only-want-you-to-love-me-photographs-by-miles-aldridge.html#slide_ss_0=1

Put Em' Up

Snarl.

Are arguments about conflict or resolution? My experience is that it depends on who the argument is with.  You boyfriend or boss? Probably about resolution.  Some random guy in traffic or a no-name classmate?  More likely conflict.  For the former:

1) Breath.  Your emotions have already gotten the best of you, it is part of what defines arguments, so take a moment.

2) Be nice.  Once you have said it you can never take it back.  Is it worth causing long-term damage to a relationship because of a disagreement or a bout of grumpiness? No, it almost never is.

3) Own it.  Whatever it is, just own it and say sorry.  If everyone takes a little bit of responsibility then no one feels entirely to blame and everyone's feelings are validated.

4) Forgive. Otherwise put as; do not pout.  Also, do not do the extended version, bringing up old arguments during new arguments.  Focus on the issue at hand, have your feelings, be heard, and then let it go.

5) Laugh.  Go out of your way to ease tension after an argument, crack a joke, smile, let the other person know that you are moving on.

Smile kids! It's all gonna be okay.

Photograph Courtesy of:

http://ivn.us/tomorrows-democracy/2012/09/28/best-arguments-against-online-voting-systems/

Expression of Care

Love.

It has taken me many years to come to realize that I am just as worthy of care, attention and affection as anyone else.  That those around me may neglect to willingly or graciously give those things to me is not a reflection on me or an indication that I am a lesser person.  People give what they have to offer, which often times is not a lot.  Often they either lack the time, skills, or compassion to reach out to others.  Ultimately, their behaviors are theirs to own, not anything that I can influence.

Consider our own ability to express gratitude and love.  Consider the impact that a daily expression of care to those you value may have on your life. Try harder to show the people that you love that they are important, that their presence in your world has import and weight.  Try not to let them slip away. 

Photo Courtesy of:

http://www.tlynnfaz.com/Get-Angry

Eyes Wide Shut

trust.

I am an idealist. Still. Not because I maintain naiveté regarding the nature of the world or ignorance of its evils and seeming inevitabilities, but because it’s in my nature and, well, someone has to be. Idealism gives us cause to fight the good fight. Idealism gives us hope. However one of the complications of being an idealist is the ever-present and looming threat of disillusionment. To combat this I have had to create a paradigm of hope and faith in certain over-arching values, love, compassion, charity, through which to see the world in order to reconcile the evening news with my vision of a peaceful society. The extension of my idealism to my personal life and relationships creates a peculiar and piercing vulnerability, particularly in terms of trust. And trust, as with idealism, is both important and dangerous. Trust is the thing that binds me to the people to whom I am the closest, it lets me be my true self, free from fear of judgment, allows for the exchange of confidences, and combats loneliness. Betrayal of trust is the fastest route to a loss of self respect and a profound sense of abandonment that I have ever experienced. It is easy in the face of betrayal to want to put up barriers and refuse to trust again. But we can’t afford to do that. I think my willingness to trust other people is directly tied to my idealism, my hope. And I choose not to live a life devoid of hope. So I take a breath, gather myself, and begin to trust again.

Also Referenced:http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/trust/
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust

A Gay Affair

pro-love.

Yesterday Maine became the fifth state, following Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, and Massachusetts, to legalize same sex marriage. This decision followed in the footsteps of several other brave and groundbreaking states that are legalizing same sex marriage and providing civil rights protections for homosexuals based on voter mandates, Supreme Court decisions, and legislative bills. As one of the last groups to be recognized as human beings and therefore deserving of the same basic rights provided to the rest of us, the gay community must be overjoyed. As should the rest of us, since the withholding or erosion of civil rights in any form threatens the rights of us all. This is cause for great celebration, and I take it as a significant indicator that we as a country are beginning to remember that we value things like freedom and equality, not for some, but for everyone.

Philosophically, in my mind the issue comes down to this, are you pro-love or anti-love? In a pro-love world, the kind I optimistically believe I live in, we are all allowed to bond ourselves to whomever we choose. If we are brave enough to commit our lives to that person, then more power to us, as most people can attest, relationships, in any form, but particularly long-term, loving, life-sharing relationships are hard work. I like to think that we are all capable of recognizing that the choice of who we share our lives with has less to do with sex than with compatibility, mutual respect, and friendship. Good things come from people sharing their lives with one another, and we should encourage and celebrate it, even if it doesn’t fit our own image of a life union. Be a part of the revolution and ask someone today, are you pro-love?