Take A Breath

Exhale.

Sometimes life hands us people that work very hard to diminish us. Bullys, show-offs, people entrenched in competition or one-upsmanship, and people that hold grudges. These people might talk behind our backs, steal our ideas or thunder, or diminish us right to our faces. They can eat us up and break us down and make us forget how many people really love and value us. The trick, I think, is to pay them no mind at all. The trick, is to just let karma set it's own course and turn our attentions to more productive voices. The trick, it to treat them like what they are, allergens that fill the air around us and kick start our defense mechanism and stress responses. So go ahead, filter those people, their word and actions right out. And I mean literally. Stop hanging out with that friend that drags you down. Set some boundaries with that pushy coworker. Filter anyone who does not make you happy out of your social media feed. Stop going to the weekly thing you go to where that toxic person is, you can find another weekly thing that doesn't stress you out. Filter your social space just like you filter your air. It works.

Of Friends and Lovers

Kith.

Sometimes words fall out of common, or even uncommon usage. Often this linguistic loss is barely noted by the general public, with our propensity for the formation and favor of new words. And then there are times that I find myself searching, looking for an adequate expression of some thing that shouldn't take five words to describe but always seems to. It makes me wish for a reverse dictionary, in which you could look up your meaning and find the word. Sometimes, I stumble across it anyway, and discover a new or forgotten term that satisfies the searching. Today this word is kith, as in, "of kith and kin." Kith is the collection of our unrelated family, our chosen kin. It is a good word, and a good reminder of the important role that long-term friends and companions have in our lives, kith, the people who stand by us, who lift us up in times of need, make us laugh, share our dreams, our highs and lows, not because they were born to it, but because they choose it.

The Word A Day Website:
http://www.wordsmith.org/awad/

Picture:
www.rubygonewild.com

What Kind of Person Are You

Haters.

I understand that things happen. There are mis-communications, arguments, and moments of weakness. But I have always held the belief that, especially if you are friends or in some other way vested in the relationship, a conversation, an apology, and moving on are the best way to handle such things. It turns out I am in a minority. I know people that will hold a grudge for years against people that were once their good friends. I have seen people brought down by pettiness and rumors because someone decided they didn't like them or they didn't deserve a chance. I have witnessed the people in the wrong, the college professor that hits on you, the person that plagiarizes your work, walk around, head high, as though they have done nothing wrong, all the while tanking the very person they crossed.

I used to feel badly about these things. I used to think that there was something that could or should be done to fix things. I used to think that other peoples behavior was some kind of reflection upon myself. Now, I'm glad when toxic or juvenile people choose to remove themselves from my company. I see the value in no longer having to waste time or energy on people who will always find a away to cause conflict or drama. I am grateful that they keep their words and actions to themselves and allow me to spend my time with people that help me to thrive. I take solace in the fact that carrying around hate will be it's own punishment, in illness, loneliness, and bad, bad karma.

What are you holding on to? Who can you forgive today? Whose forgiveness can you let go of receiving?

Photograph Courtesy of :

http://www.northjersey.com/news/204692871_Free_poison_prevention_program_in_Verona.html

Of All These Friends And Lovers

Passages.

For all the work of building connections, relationships, and community there is an inevitable slipping of people away to other things, other people, other places.  Like most things in life the passing through of people seems to follow no particular course or trend but happens in fits and starts, as isolated incidents, the death of someone special or a good friend moving to a new job, or sometimes altogether, upon graduation or in connection to a breakup. Some of these passages are hard, some bittersweet, and some are surprisingly easy.  The ones to pay attention to are the ones that do not feel like loss.  The relationships that are the most important to us can weather all kinds of distances and periods of time.  These are the friends with whom we pick up right where we left off, regardless of a year without actually being in the same place at the same time.  These relationships are the ones that sustain us, they are the people to whom we will turn when things really go awry, and they are the people to whom we should be listening when we need advice.  These are the people that we should invest in.  

Consider for a moment the people in your life, the relationships to which you tend.  Which of them sustain you? Which of them exist solely because of proximity?  Try to identify the people that you cannot bear to lose and hold them close before they slip away.

The Beatles, In My Life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI0Q8ytD44Y

Like what you are reading?  Then support the Kickstarter for my book Girl Gone Wild- On Being a Woman in the Wilderness.  Thanks!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1731666363/girl-gone-wild-a-guide-to-being-a-woman-outside?ref=city

Photograph Courtesy of:

http://www.featurepics.com/FI/Thumb300/20101111/Old-Rusty-Chain-Links-1700793.jpg

Friends and Benefits

If.

My mother always told me to be careful how you treated people because while you never know what they carry on their plate, you can be sure that it is full.  I always thought she was talking about strangers but sometimes we need to be aware of how this plays out with people closer to us as well.  Some notes on friends:

If they are busy, keep calling.  If you are busy, keep calling.

While friends are great sounding boards, remember to also use them to celebrate the best of your life, not complain about the worst.

Assume that as friends they mean no harm and approach discussion, disagreements and misunderstandings as such.

If you know you do not agree on a topic, choose someone else to discuss it with.

Assume you know only what they choose to show you, and consider the possibility that life has its ups and downs for everyone.

Thank them, often.

Like what you are reading?  Then support the Kickstarter for my book Girl Gone Wild- On Being a Woman in the Wilderness.  Thanks!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1731666363/girl-gone-wild-a-guide-to-being-a-woman-outside?ref=city

Photograph:

http://www.thechangeblog.com/how-to-make-friends/